Monday, February 27, 2012

Emotional Outburst

I have been labeled hard to approach, aloof, unaffectionate, and calm.  My sister sometimes calls me Jen-Bot.  I cannot disagree as I am pretty steady emotionally.... never super high, but certainly not depressed.  I am logical and rational.  While something might tug at my heart strings, I can usually step back and work towards the greater good.  I cry occasionally, but not a lot.  I rarely get super excited, but I have few worries or complaints in life.  I am thankful, happy, and content.

BUT I AM ALSO TYPE A AND IMPATIENT!!!  I do not necessarily have to be in control, but there needs to be a plan in place and I need to know it.  Nothing gets me more worked up than the unknown and trudging forward without a plan.  Riley's fractured hock, for example, was out of my control, but it was diagnosed and the plan of action was implemented.  I can deal with that.  Even when the fracture was slow to heal, we extended the old plan of action and set new deadlines.
But Riley's current injury due to a puncture to the metatarsal / P1 joint in the opposite rear leg back in December has been a big punch in the face.  I just want to scream, cry, and punch back!  It is making me crazy!  I am so angry, disappointed, fearful, and sad!  I just cannot believe the bad luck we are having.  It seems so unfair.  Riley should be in her prime of life right now and we are basically flushing her entire 5th year down the toilet.  I am so pissed off!

The worse part is the unknown and the lack of plan.  I keep flip flopping because we simply do not know what exactly is wrong and there is no way to really know when it has healed.
And Riley makes everything ten times harder.  She is just so high energy, explosive, and intense.  She runs, spins, and leaps as fast and reckless as she can.  Even in the house, she does everything with spark and pizazz.  It is just so difficult to be careful with her when she wants to run so badly and deserves to.

And poor Seven gets no respect.  She is a great agility dog.  She is running very well and more consistently sooner than any of my other agility greyhounds.  She deserves more credit, but I continue to dump her in Riley's shadow.

When rational perspective returns, I know I lead a happy, charmed life.  In the big scheme of things, this is really no big deal compared to real problems.  I really have nothing to complain about.  BUT I STILL WANT TO RUN MY RILEY GREYHOUND IN AGILITY!!!
Thanks for the therapy session.  How much do I owe you guys?

18 comments:

Denise- LessIsMore17 said...

I'm sorry you and Riley are going through this, it sucks, I know, it's like having a lame horse and not knowing what it's from:-(

Mad Red Hare said...

Total bummer. I hope she gets healed up and back to normal soon.

Witty Angel said...

As per Lucy in the comic Peanuts, "Five cents please."

You're right that in the big scheme of things this isn't that big of a deal...but it still sucks.

Declan said...

Yeah it's a bummer when you can't get to the bottom of things....if you'll pardon the pun... Deccy x

Kathy said...

Jen, I'm so sorry about Riley. I'm glad that Seven is doing well though. I hope you are able to get plan of action in place soon. At least you run Seven successfully. I am at my wits end with Blaze. He pays attention to me in class but in a trial, he gives me a beautiful start stay, then he does the 1st one or 2 obstacles and then he turns it into a running free for all. I am getting VERY discouraged and about to give up on him :(

jcp said...

Wait.. so your telling us your a Type A personalty.. really I had no idea ;) LOL. Life certainly does have a way of foiling the best laid plans. Keeps us humble I guess.

andrea said...

venting is so healthy!
so sorry you are going through this - glad you are able to keep perspective mostly ;)

hang in there

gyeong said...

Sometimes it helps to just yell at the top of your lungs, or all CAPS in this case.

Lima (or Lima Bean) said...

How frustrating! Glad you're able to do some outbursting... it's good for the soul :). Hope things start getting a little clearer and you can finally get a plan in place.

Jennifer said...

I'm so sorry--I TOTALLY know what you're going through! My Greyhound Jack ripped his Iliopsoas muscle while hiking last year--we think some time in late March or April. It's almost a year later and he's still on 3 legs despite extensive therapy. One specialist thinks it's permanent nerve damage from the tear, another thinks it has to do with stress on his hock, which was a racing break. Last month, he started growing a corn on the right back paw. I am SO FRUSTRATED. We're doing laser therapy, massage and passive range of motion exercises, have seen 4 regular vets, 2 ortho specialists and a Physical Therapist weekly. He's not getting better. Poor Jack, his 4th year was a TOTAL bust. :( I hope you & Riley will have more success than us!
Jen

Stoutheartedhounds said...

Even though you said you're not into affection (I'm not really either) I am still sending cyber hugs your way. I'm really sorry for all of the bad luck Riley has had but I think things are bound to improve. Times like these are very hard, but keep your chin up.

Hiking Hounds said...

I had to laugh, because I know how you feel. The worst thing is uncertainty and patience is not always one of my virtues. I felt this way awhile after Zephyr got sick. I was so angry, I wrote a post called "I want to kick its ass". :-) I think it's good to vent sometimes because it sure doesn't seem fair and it's really hard when you're in the middle of it. I hope the toe starts to improve soon. Hang in there!

Heather (jerZgirl) said...

It is a total bummer and I'm sorry you guys are going through this. :( I hope you will be running Riley soon. Venting is good - I had a lousy practice with the dogs today as if both forgot what the heck agility even was. :/

Gloria Sanders said...

I completely understand your frustration and feelings - it is amazing how you train and plan and the setbacks are so huge! The careers for agility dogs are limited enough without the additional issues of injury and rehab. Oh, it may help that I'm as type A as they come :)

Claire Krigbaum said...

ARG! I feel for you. Lots of good wishes that it heals up perfectly very soon.

houndstooth said...

I'd be frustrated, too! And I've felt the same things you're feeling at different times. When Blueberry broke her toe and four weeks in a splint morphed into eight, it was hard. And it was hard seeing how much she'd aged in that two months off. I often feel like I put her in the shadows with the others, too. She's just so good and well-behaved, never a squeaky wheel. Hopefully you find your compass soon!

Never Say Never Greyhounds said...

Thanks for all the good thoughts, cyber hugs, and sympathies. I hope that those of you going through your own problems can find resolution as well. We all need a little luck.

Keith Andrea said...

After all, Glad you're able to do some outbursting...

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