It is day 5 of my new normal. I still wonder where the runners are each time I use our hallway steps. I used to smooth out the wrinkles every time so Katie would have traction on the two steps. There are less pill bottles and I am confused by the food bowls. No one twirling around the yard. No one demanding her daily Kongs. The cavalettis in the yard have not been used in over a week. It is time to put them in the garage.
Surprisingly, today has been the worst day for me. Initially, I think I was relieved that it was over. Katie was not in pain anymore, I knew the cause (bone cancer), and I really had no choice. So now it really seems to be sinking in that I will never see Katie again... at least not in my lifetime. I started to sob at work. Of course, it was the first day that I had tried to wear mascara again. I was a complete mess and had to skip a client meeting. Sadness sneaks up on you when you least expect it.
I am not a very religious person. I want to believe we see our loved ones again, but the truth is that I simply do not know. I would really like some proof right about now. I have read some books in the past about the afterlife that I have found comforting so I am seeking them out again and have purchased some new ones.
I am editing Katie's agility videos. There are not that many and the quality is not good, but I need to put what I can on the blog for my own record keeping.
Katie is 2 or 3 years old in the above pictures.
