Monday, February 27, 2012

Emotional Outburst

I have been labeled hard to approach, aloof, unaffectionate, and calm.  My sister sometimes calls me Jen-Bot.  I cannot disagree as I am pretty steady emotionally.... never super high, but certainly not depressed.  I am logical and rational.  While something might tug at my heart strings, I can usually step back and work towards the greater good.  I cry occasionally, but not a lot.  I rarely get super excited, but I have few worries or complaints in life.  I am thankful, happy, and content.

BUT I AM ALSO TYPE A AND IMPATIENT!!!  I do not necessarily have to be in control, but there needs to be a plan in place and I need to know it.  Nothing gets me more worked up than the unknown and trudging forward without a plan.  Riley's fractured hock, for example, was out of my control, but it was diagnosed and the plan of action was implemented.  I can deal with that.  Even when the fracture was slow to heal, we extended the old plan of action and set new deadlines.
But Riley's current injury due to a puncture to the metatarsal / P1 joint in the opposite rear leg back in December has been a big punch in the face.  I just want to scream, cry, and punch back!  It is making me crazy!  I am so angry, disappointed, fearful, and sad!  I just cannot believe the bad luck we are having.  It seems so unfair.  Riley should be in her prime of life right now and we are basically flushing her entire 5th year down the toilet.  I am so pissed off!

The worse part is the unknown and the lack of plan.  I keep flip flopping because we simply do not know what exactly is wrong and there is no way to really know when it has healed.
And Riley makes everything ten times harder.  She is just so high energy, explosive, and intense.  She runs, spins, and leaps as fast and reckless as she can.  Even in the house, she does everything with spark and pizazz.  It is just so difficult to be careful with her when she wants to run so badly and deserves to.

And poor Seven gets no respect.  She is a great agility dog.  She is running very well and more consistently sooner than any of my other agility greyhounds.  She deserves more credit, but I continue to dump her in Riley's shadow.

When rational perspective returns, I know I lead a happy, charmed life.  In the big scheme of things, this is really no big deal compared to real problems.  I really have nothing to complain about.  BUT I STILL WANT TO RUN MY RILEY GREYHOUND IN AGILITY!!!
Thanks for the therapy session.  How much do I owe you guys?